Dean Rensing's Testimony.
第二十五章
伦辛总铎的证词
Dean Rensing had long known Sister Emmerich's sincere piety and her ardent desire of living unknown and hidden from the world. From his very first visit to her he had regarded the truth of the wonders wrought in her as indubitable; but he was timid and cautious, and the objections raised by strangers or enemies failed not to influence him. A specious argument, a suspicion cast upon the freedom of his judgment or the firmness of his character, sufficed to torment him keenly and fill him with distrust. The wisdom and good sense which ordinarily characterized his conduct were not proof against the absurd suspicions raised on all sides as soon as the case was publicly known. Nothing, therefore, was wanting on his part to aggravate the invalid's sufferings ; her patience, her confidence in God were subjected to such trials as are imposed only upon chosen souls.
伦辛总铎很早就知道艾曼丽修女的虔诚,以及她渴望过不为人知默默无闻的隐修生活。从他第一次探访她起,他就认为艾曼丽身上奇迹的真实性是不容置疑的。但他胆小谨慎,陌生人或敌人提出的异议都会影响到他。一个似是而非的争论,一个对他判断的自由度或对他性格的坚定性的怀疑,都足以深深地折磨他,使他充满了不信任感。他的行为通常表现出的智慧和良好的判断力,并不能保护此案免受公开后将引起的各方的荒谬怀疑。因此,在他这方面,他所做的一切都加重了这个病人的痛苦;艾曼丽的忍耐和对天主的信心,都受到了只有被拣选者的灵魂才会经受的考验。
The Dean's favorable opinion of the invalid was first shaken by the idle talk of one of her former Sisters in religion who, about a month before the inquiry began, pretended to have seen her through the key-hole leave her bed and search in her closet for eatables. Two others declared that they had seen the same thing in the same way and that they had once found her lying on the floor with a slice of buttered bread in her hand. Dean Rensing, who had never doubted the invalid's inability to eat, took these words very much to heart. He sent for the persons in question and instituted a procesverbal upon their reports ; but on trying to make observations himself in the same way, he became convinced of the impossibility of commanding from the point indicated a sight of either the invalid's bed or the closet. At last, his informants avowed that they knew for certain Sister Emmerich's inability to leave her bed without assistance; but even then the Dean desisted not from interrogating Sister Emmerich herself, for the bread-and- butter story disquieted him not a little.
伦辛总铎对病人的好感首先被艾曼丽的一位前修会修女的闲谈所动摇,大约在调查开始前一个月,这位修女伪称通过钥匙孔看到艾曼丽离开床铺,在壁橱里寻找吃的东西,她的闲言碎语第一次动摇了伦辛总铎对这位残疾人的好感。还有两个人声称,她们以同样的方式看到过同样的事情,有一次她们发现她躺在地板上,手里拿着一片黄油面包。从来没有怀疑过病人无法进食的伦辛总铎,把这句话放在了心上。他找来了有关人员,并根据他们的报告进行了调查;但当他自己也试图用同样的方法进行观察时,他确信不可能从所指示的位置看到病人的床或壁橱。最后,这些信息的提供者承认她们确实知道艾曼丽修女在没有人帮助的情况下无法离开她的床。但即便如此,伦辛总铎也没有停止对艾曼丽修女本人的询问,因为这个 "面包和黄油 "的故事让他有些不安。
“I asked her," he says in his journal, "if she remembered having been found at any time out of bed. 'Yes, certainly,' she answered. ' I lay on the floor by the bed out of which I once fell when I had no one to help me. It may be that I did have a piece of bread in my hand, though I think it more likely that it was on the floor. I had a piece by me for a poor woman whose child I was expecting, and it is probable that it fell to the floor with the coverlet.' "
「我问艾曼丽,」伦辛总铎在日记中说,「她是否记得任何时候曾被发现离开过自己的床。」「是的,当然,」她回答。 「我躺在床边的地板上,当没有人帮助我的时候,我曾经从床上掉下来。可能是我手里确实有一块面包,尽管我认为它更有可能是在地板上。我身边有一片为一个可怜的女人准备的面包,我那时正等着她的孩子来拿这面包,很可能面包和床单一起掉到了地板上。」
This quieted the Dean somewhat, but he was not fully reassured till Dean Overberg took upon himself Sister Emmerich's defence. Again was he troubled by a fresh report circulated throughout Diihnen and Minister. It was said that even though Sister Emmerich's sincere piety could not be questioned, yet her stigmata would always be open to suspicion, inasmuch as there could be no certitude that they were not artificially maintained by the Abbe Lambert. Might not this foreign priest be fanatic enough to regard as a good work the assistance given to the simple-minded nun to bear constantly on her person the marks of the Saviour's Passion ?
这使伦辛总铎稍微平静了一些,但直到奥弗伯格总铎亲自为艾曼丽修女辩护时,他才完全放心。又一次伦辛总铎被一份传遍杜尔门和明斯特的新闻报导所困扰。新闻说,即使艾曼丽修女的真诚虔敬不容置疑,但她的圣伤总是令人怀疑,因为无法确定这些圣伤是不是由兰伯特神父人为制造的。这位外国神父会不会狂热到帮助头脑简单的修女不断地在她身上背负救主受难的印记,并把这圣伤视为善举?
A priest from Minister on a visit to the Dean informed him of the conjecture. It made all the more impression upon the latter as he had just heard something similar in Diilmen. “This remark has been made here also," he wrote, " not only by judicious Christians, but even by a well-meaning Jew who was struck by the phenomena exhibited in Sister Emmerich's person.
一位来自明斯特的神父在访问伦辛总铎时将这一猜测告诉了他。这让伦辛总铎留下了更加深刻的印象,因为他刚刚在杜尔门听到了类似的话。「这里也有这样的议论,」伦辛总铎写道,「不仅是明智的基督徒,甚至一位好心的犹太人也说过这种话,他被艾曼丽修女身上的现象所震撼。」
Although Dean Rensing felt morally certain on hearing the formal asseverations of the Abbe and Sister Emmerich, that they were incapable of such a fraud, yet the report gave rise to doubts which haunted him until the invalid herself came to his aid and delivered him from his mental agony. Her penetration discovered his secret uneasiness and, as she knew that he would not explain himself freely, she asked his permission to speak to him of what was on his mind, and she set before him his disquietude and its cause.
虽然伦辛总铎在听到兰伯特神父和艾曼丽修女的郑重声明后,在道义上确信他们不可能做出这样的欺诈行为,但这一报告还是引起了他的疑虑,这种疑虑一直萦绕在他的心头,直到这位病人亲自来帮助他,使他从精神痛苦中解救出来。艾曼丽的洞察力发现了他内心深处的不安,由于她知道伦辛总铎不会坦率地说出自已内心的事,所以艾曼丽征求他的同意,向他说出他的心事,并把他的不安及不安的原因告诉了他。
“I was," he says, “exceedingly surprised. It was just as she said. I told her it would be better for her to declare her stigmata the result of pious enthusiasm, for then I should be freed from many annoyances and she from much suffering — 'How could I make such a statement !’ she said quietly. ‘That would be a lie ! Even the smallest lie is a venial sin and so displeasing to God that I would rather suffer any pain than be guilty of it. ? ‘”
伦辛总铎说,「我当时非常惊讶。事情正如她所说的那样。我告诉艾曼丽修女,为她的好处最好宣布她的圣伤是出自虔诚热心的结果,因为这样我就可以免去许多烦恼,她也可以免去许多痛苦……。『我怎么能说这样的话!』艾曼丽平静地说。『那是谎言!即使是最微小的谎言也是一种罪过,是天主不喜悦的,我宁愿忍受任何痛苦也不愿犯下这种罪过。』
Dean Rensing's silent reserve was now over. He spoke long of the danger of indiscreet religious zeal; and he conjured the sufferer, for the honor of God and the good of souls, to say whether her wounds were the result of exaggerated piety or not. “But," says his journal, " she protested in the name of all things sacred, that she could truthfully say nothing else about them than what she had already said, that she should be only too well pleased if God would hear her prayer and grant to the physicians the power of effacing them, adding: ' To obtain such a result, I would be willing to be punished as an impostor and despised and mocked by the whole world.' "
伦辛总铎的沉默矜持终于结束了。他长篇大论地讲述了轻率的宗教狂热所带来的危险;为了天主的光荣和灵魂的福祉,他恳求受难者说出她的伤口是否是过度虔诚的结果。「但是,」他的日记中写道,「艾曼丽以一切神圣事物的名义提出抗议,说,除了她已经如实说过的话,对于圣伤她再无话可说,如果天主垂听她的祈祷,并赋予医生消除圣伤的能力,她会非常高兴。并补充说:『为了获得这样的结果,我甘愿被当做骗子受到惩罚,并被全世界鄙视和嘲笑。』」
Sister Emmerich relieved the Dean in his doubts on another occasion when he had been commissioned by the Vicar-General to interrogate her former Superioress and companions respecting her life in the convent. She clearly foresaw that these women would say many things calculated to perplex his mind and arouse fresh misgivings ; and fearing that he would again hesitate to make known his suspicions to her, she herself prepared him for it. " The inquiry you are about to make of my former companions will necessitate your appealing to my conscience in terms the most severe. It will cost you much ; but I beg you not to fear. Subject me, as well as those Sisters, to the most rigorous examination. I shall pray God to give you grace and courage to do so."
还有一次,艾曼丽修女消除了伦辛院长的疑虑,当时他受副主教的委托,就艾曼丽修女在修道院的生活,询问她的前任长上和同伴。艾曼丽修女清楚地预见到,这些女人会说很多让伦辛院长感到困惑的话,会引起他新的疑虑;她担心他会再次犹豫不决,不敢向她透露自己的疑虑,于是她亲自为他做好了准备。她说,「你要对我以前的同伴进行调查,将需要你对我的良心做出最严厉的论断,也会让你付出很大代价;但我请你不要害怕。让我和那些修女们都接受最严格的审查吧。我会祈求天主赐予你这样做的恩宠和勇气。」
Sister Emmerich's uprightness and, candor rendered the Dean's position toward her less embarrassing. The more he examined, the more convincing became the proofs of the supernatural origin of the favors bestowed upon her, the sublime perfection of her virtue. Her obedience and respect for ecclesiastical authority were unlimited, and her fear of disobeying orders through excessive pain gave her more uneasiness than the sufferings caused by the attempts made to cure her wounds. Sometimes the Dean found her in tears, or a word from him would call forth this touching question : " Have I sinned by my sadness ! " — His assurances to the contrary quickly restored her to the innocent light-heartedness of a child, and she would say through her tears : “Willingly shall I bear still more, if only the dear God will give me strength to endure my sufferings and not to fail in obedience."
由于艾曼丽修女的正直和坦率,让伦辛总铎对她的态度不那么尴尬为难了。他检查得越多,就越能证明她所受的恩宠是超自然的,她的圣德是崇高完美的。她对教会权威的服从和尊重是无限的,她害怕因过度疼痛而违抗命令,这比试图治疗她的伤口所造成的痛苦更让她感到不安。有时,伦辛总铎发现她在流泪,或者他的一句话就会引出这样一个感人的问题:「我的悲伤是否有罪?」她流着泪说:「我愿意承受更多的痛苦,只要亲爱的天主赐予我力量,让我能够忍受痛苦,不辜负天主的旨意。」
Never did Dean Rensing hear her complain of anything else than of the crowd that flocked to see her. When he prohibited their entrance, she thanked him gratefully. Her tearful pleadings often encouraged him to defend her boldly from the inquisitive throng. Never did he behold in her a sign of impatience or discontent ; on the contrary, the serenity of her countenance testified to her resignation and union with God. He says in his journal : — " I found her extremely weak ; but as soon as she saw me, she assumed the air of serenity usual to her." And : " Whilst I chatted with her, her countenance was full of peace ; but I noticed that as often as the back of her head chanced to touch the pillow, her features contracted with pain."
除了对蜂拥而至要看她的人群外,伦辛总铎从来没有听到艾曼丽抱怨过什么别的。当他禁止他们进入时,艾曼丽感激地向他致谢。她泪流满面的恳求,常常鼓励着伦辛总铎在好奇的人群面前勇敢地保护她。伦辛总铎从未在她身上看到过不耐烦或不满的迹象;相反,她平静的面容证明了她的顺从和与天主的结合。伦辛总铎在日记中写道:「我发现她非常虚弱;但她一看到我,就表现出她惯有的安详。」又说:「我和她聊天的时候,她的脸上充满了平静;但我注意到,只要她的后脑勺偶然碰触到枕头,她的面容就会因疼痛而收缩。
If he reproached her with her stigmata, she took it quietly as if she herself entertained the same sentiments. “If you had not those singular marks on you," he said to her one day, "you would be free from the pains you now endure from them (1)." "I have prayed the dear God with all my heart,' she replied, “to take them from me, and I am willing to be treated as a hypocrite and impostor, but my prayer has not been heard."
如果伦辛总铎用艾曼丽的圣伤来责备她,她会默默地接受,好像她自己也怀有同样的感受。有一天,他对艾曼丽说,「如果你身上没有那些奇异的圣伤,你就不会遭受现在的痛苦 (1)。」她回答说,「全心全意地祈求亲爱的天主把圣伤从我身上拿走,我愿意被当作伪君子和骗子对待,但我的祈祷没有被天主俯听」。
He was often quite overcome at the sight of her sufferings and, not being able to afford her any relief, he desired to withdraw ; but she tried to compose herself and begged him not to deprive her of the solace his presence and benediction afforded. Once he noted the following words in his journal : " I stayed with her a while longer, deeply affected at seeing the grace of Our Lord so strong in the weak."
看到艾曼丽的痛苦,伦辛院长常常很沮丧,又不能给她一点安慰,便想离开;但是艾曼丽竭力使她自己保持镇定,并恳求他不要剥夺因他的在场而带来的安慰及祝福。有一次,他在日记中写道:「我和她呆了一段时间,看到我们主的恩宠在弱者身上如此强大,我深受感动。」
(1) When the reality of the stigmata had been unquestionably proved, Bean Reusing changed his tactics and reproached the invalid for having prayed for their disappearance. Dr. Wesener's journal contains the following notes on this subject, Jan. 10, 1815 :" Today, Tuesday, the wounds seemed larger than usual and, on examining them closely, I came to the conclusion that they had bled both on the upper and lower surface. I inquired why this had happened on a Tuesday ? The invalid could not say, but she told me the following :— “Dean Rensing was here yesterday. He reproached me for wishing and praying for the removal of these marks. I do not think I did wrong in this, for it was not from any bad Intention. I am resolved to conform to the will of God, to abandon myself entirely to it Gladly would I suffer until the Day of Judgment to please God and serve my neighbor !' " (1) 当圣伤的真实性被无可置疑地证实后,伦辛总铎改变了他的策略,责备病人为圣伤的消失祈祷。 1815 年 1 月 10 日,韦塞纳医生的日记中有关此事的注释:「今天,瞻礼三(周二),伤口似乎比平时大,仔细检查后,我得出结论,伤口的上表层和下面都流血了。我问为什么在周二发生这种情况?病人说不清楚,但她告诉我以下情况:『伦辛总铎昨天在这里。他责备我希望并祈求消除这些伤痕。我认为我在这方面没有做错,因为这并不是出于任何不良意图 。我决心顺从天主的旨意,将自已完全交托给祂,我愿意受苦直到审判日,以悦乐上主,服务我的近人! 』 Such experience proved to him that the gift of longanimity was attached to the fidelity of her obedience to Ecclesiastical Superiors, the representatives of God; consequently, though not at all enthusiastic, he acquired in spite of himself a daily assurance of the power and plenitude of the benediction attached to the sacerdotal character. Whenever she spoke such words as these : “I am not so weak, I am stronger when you stay. What I say to you comes from God, it is for God, and it never tires me,' etc. — he always saw them verified by effects. 这样的经历向他证明,艾曼丽忍耐之恩与她忠实地服从教会长上–天主的代表–有关。因此,尽管伦辛总铎并不热忱,但他每天都不由自主地获得保证,那就是天主圣神赋予司铎的德能和丰富的祝福。每当艾曼丽说出这样的话:「我没有那么软弱,你留下来我会更坚强。我对你说的话是来自天主,说这些话是为了天主,说这些话永远不会让我感到疲倦……。」伦辛总铎总是看到这些话通过其效果被验证。 The Vicar-Gerneral had enjoined on her to render to Dean Rensing an exact account of her contemplations and whatever happened to her exteriorly ; therefore, she answered all his questions most carefully. We are thus informed of the fact of her offering all her sufferings for the souls in purgatory and the conversion of sinners. Even during the examination, she spent her nights in prayer and contemplation, often “going out of herself," as she expressed it. On the Dean's first visit, she said in answer to his interrogatories : " Last night I was in purgatory. It seemed to me that I was taken into a deep abyss, a vast region, where I saw, and the sight filled me with sorrow, the poor souls so sad, so silent, yet with something in their countenance which tells that the thought of God's mercy gives joy to their heart. Enthroned in their midst was the Mother of God, more beautiful than I had ever seen her before.” — Then she said to him : ''Instruct your penitents to pray fervently for the poor souls in purgatory, for they in gratitude will pray for them in return. Prayer for these poor souls is most agreeable to God, as it admits them to His presence sooner."
副主教嘱咐艾曼丽把她的默观和她圣伤上发生的一切向伦辛总铎如实汇报。因此,她非常仔细地回答了伦辛总铎所有的问题。我们因此得知艾曼丽为炼狱中的灵魂和罪人的皈依奉献了她所有的痛苦。即使在检查期间,她也整晚都在祈祷和默观中度过,经常“出离她自己,”如她表达的那样。在伦辛总铎第一次来访时,艾曼丽回答他的询问时说:「昨晚我在炼狱。在我看来,我被带到了一个深渊,一个广阔的领域,在那里我看到的景象让我充满了悲伤,可怜的灵魂如此悲伤,如此沉默,但他们的脸上的某种表情告诉我,想到天主的仁慈,使他们的内心充满喜乐。在他们中间的宝座上是天主之母,圣母比我以前见过的更美丽。」 然后艾曼丽对伦辛总铎说:「教导你的忏悔者要为炼狱中可怜的灵魂热切祈祷,因为炼灵会怀着感激之情为代祷者祈祷以作为回报。而为这些可怜的炼灵祈祷是最让天主喜欢的,因为这些祈祷能救助他们早早脱离炼狱的监禁,好与天主同在。」 Some days later she again said : “ I had no rest all last night, on account of the sharp pains in my wounds, but I was consoled by an apparition of Our Divine Saviour. I saw how He recalls repentant sinners, how He acts toward them. He was so good, so sweet that I have no words to express it," She was often strengthened and consoled by this vision at the approach of the Easter solemnities. “My sufferings have become more endurable," she said one day, for I have seen in vision that many great sinners will soon return to God. Some have already done so. This gave me strength and filled me with joy." 几天后,艾曼丽又说:「昨天晚上,由于伤口剧痛,我整晚都没有休息,但我看到了神圣救世主的显现,这让我感到安慰。我看到祂是如何召回悔改的罪人,祂如何对待他们。祂是如此温良,如此甘饴,以至于无法用语言来表达。」在复活大瞻礼临近时,艾曼丽经常被这个神视所鼓舞和安慰。有一天,她说,「我的苦难变得更能忍受了,因为我在神视中看到许多大罪人很快就会回归天主。有些人已经这样做了。这给了我力量,让我充满喜乐。」 The week after Easter she again said to the Dean : “I have had a short but consoling ecstasy in which I saw how many sinners have returned to God this Easter and how many souls have been released from purgatory, I saw, too, the place of purification, and I noticed on the countenances of the prisoners an air of inexpressible joy which I took as a sign of their approaching deliverance. How glad I was to see them freed from their torments ! I knew the souls of two priests who have gone to heaven. They had suffered for years ; one for his neglect of little duties, the other for his inclination to jesting." She saw also the conversion of certain sinners who had relapsed into their evil habits. 复活瞻礼后的一周,艾曼丽再次对伦辛总铎说:「我经历了一次短暂而又令人欣慰的神魂超拔,我看到有多少罪人在这个复活节回到了天主身边,有多少灵魂从炼狱中释放出来,我也看到了(他们被)净化的地方,我注意到囚徒们洋溢着难以言喻的喜悦,我认为这是炼灵们即将获释的标志。看到他们从痛苦中解脱出来,我是多么高兴啊!我认识两位已升天的神父的灵魂。他们已经受苦了多年;一个是因为他疏忽了小职责,另一个是因为他喜欢开玩笑。」艾曼丽还目睹了一些重犯恶习的罪人改过自新。 " Jesus stood before my eyes. He was maltreated in many ways ; but during it all, He was so gentle and loving that His sufferings brought to me a sweet kind of sadness. ‘Ah!’ thought I, ‘every sinner has in this suffering a share, and he would be saved if he only had a little good will!’ — I saw also some persons known to me who recognized their faults and corrected them. It was all as clear before me as if I saw it with open eyes. Among them was one who is very pious, who speaks in humble terms of herself; but she knows not at the same time that she thinks too much of herself. It would cost her something to acknowledge her faults. It is not true humility for one to depreciate himself, and yet be unable to endure that another should speak ill of him or be preferred to him." 「吾主耶稣显现给我,站在我的眼前。他受到多种虐待;但在整个受难期间,祂是如此温柔和慈爱,以至于祂的痛苦给我带来了一种甘饴的悲伤。我想,『啊!每个罪人都分享了祂的痛苦,只要罪人有一点善意,他就能得救!』我还看到了一些我认识的人,他们认识到他们的错误并纠正了错误。这一切都清晰地呈现在我面前,就像我睁着眼睛看一样。其中有一位非常虔诚的人,她在谈到自已的时候总是很谦虚,但同时她又不知道她把自己看得太高了。然而为要知道她自己的过失,她是要付出些代价的。一个人贬低自己,却不能忍受别人说他坏话,或者说不能忍受别人比她更受欢迎,这不是真正的谦卑。」 Again she said : "I was present when God passed sentence upon some notorious sinners. Great is His justice, but still more inconceivable is His mercy. He damns only those who are determined not to be converted ; they who have a spark of good will are saved. Some there are who grieve for their sins, confess them sincerely, and trust confidently in the merits of their Saviour ; they are saved and their sins will no more be remembered. It is true they go to purgatory, but not to remain long. On the other hand, many stay a long time in purgatory who, although not great sinners, have lived tepidly. Through pride they would take no admonition or instruction from their confessor. The time was when the thought of only one poor sinner's condemnation grieved me so that I could not get over it ; but on the present occasion, though many were condemned, I was perfectly calm, for I saw that God’s justice called for it. All was as clear to me as if God himself had spoken. 艾曼丽又说:「当天主审判一些臭名昭著的罪人时,我也在场。祂是绝对公义的,但更不可思议的是祂的怜悯。祂只惩罚那些心硬不悔改的人;那些有些许善意火花的人得救了。有些人为自己的罪孽感到悲伤,真诚地承认他们犯了罪,对救主的功劳充满信心;他们得救了,他们的罪将不再被记起。他们确实去了炼狱,但不会留在那里太久。另一方面,许多人在炼狱中呆了很长时间,虽然不是大罪人,但生活得不温不火。由于骄傲,他们不会接受告解神父的告诫或指导。曾经有一段时间,一想到哪怕只有一个可怜的罪人被判刑,我就感到悲伤,以至于无法释怀;但是在现在这个场合,尽管很多人被定罪,我却非常平静,因为我看到天主的公义要求这样做。对我来说,一切都很清楚,都像天主亲自说话一样。 "I saw Jesus on a throne, shining like the sun ; by Him were Mary, Joseph, and John, and before Him knelt poor repentant sinners, supplicating Mary to intercede for them. I saw then that Mary is the true refuge of sinners. All that fly to her find favor, if they have only a little faith." 「我看到耶稣坐在宝座上,像太阳一样闪耀;靠近祂的是圣母玛利亚、若瑟和若望,在祂面前跪着可怜的悔改罪人,恳求圣母玛利亚为他们说情。我当时看到圣母玛利亚是罪人的真正避难所。所有投奔她的人,只要有一点点信心,都会得到她的恩宠。 The following vision on the value of prayer was afterward vouchsafed to the invalid : “ I was in a great, bright place which extended on every side as far as the eye could reach, and there it was shown me how it is with men's prayers before God. They seemed to be inscribed on large white tablets which were divided into four classes : some were written in magnificent golden letters ; others in shining silver ; some in darker characters ; and others, again, in black streaked lines. I gazed with delight ; but, as I thought myself unworthy of such a favor, I hardly dared ask my guide what it all meant. He told me : ‘What is written in gold is the prayer of those who have united their good works to the merits of Jesus Christ and who often renew this union; they aim at observing His precepts and imitating His example. 后来,五伤艾曼丽得到了以下有关祈祷价值的神视:「我在一个巨大而明亮的地方,一直延伸到目光所及之地,在那向我展示了人在天主前祈祷的样子。人们的祈祷似乎被刻在白色的大石板上,石板分为四个等级:第一等级是用华丽的金字书写的;第二等级是用闪亮的银字书写的;第三等级是用较暗的字书写的;第四等级是用黑色的条纹写的。我欣喜地凝视着;但由于我认为自己不配得到这样的恩赐,所以我几乎不敢问我的护守天神这一切意味着什么。
我的护守天神告诉我: 『第一等级是用华丽的金字书写的祷文,是那些将自己的善行与耶稣基督的救赎功劳结合在一起、并经常更新这种结合的人的祈祷;他们旨在遵守耶稣基督的戒律,效法基督。』 “’What is written in silver is the prayer of those who think not of union with the merits of Jesus Christ ; but who are, notwithstanding, pious and who pray in the simplicity of their hearts. “’What is written in darker colors is the prayer of those who have no peace unless they frequently confess and communicate and daily say certain prayers ; but who are, however, tepid and perform their good works through habit. 「『第二等级是用闪亮的银字书写的祈祷,是那些没想要把自已的祈祷与耶稣基督的功劳结合的人的祈祷;但是,尽管如此,他们还是虔诚的,并以纯朴的心祈祷。 『第三等级是用较暗的字书写的祈祷,是那些没有平安的人的祈祷,除非靠着经常办告解和领圣体,并且每天念些祈祷经文,他们不过是不冷不热,习惯性的祈祷而已。 (注:即对自已的罪过,没有真悔改的表现;在灵修的道路上,也没有进步) “’Lastly, what is written in black, streaked characters is the prayer of such as place all their confidence in vocal prayers and pretended good works, but who do not keep God's Commandments nor curb their evil desires. Such prayer has no merit before God, therefore it is streaked. So also would the good works of a man be streaked who indeed gives himself much trouble to help on some charity, but with a view to the honor or temporal advantage attached to it.'" 『最后的第四等级是用黑色的条纹写的祈祷,那些把所有的信心都放在口头祈祷和假装的善行上的人的祈祷,但他们不遵守天主的诫命,也不克制自己的邪恶欲望。这样的祈祷在天主面前没有功劳,所以是有条纹的。一个人的善行也是如此,他确实为帮助某些慈善事业付出了很大的努力,但他目的是为了获得荣誉或附带的世俗利益。』」 Dean Rensing found her one day reciting the Litany of the Saints from a book. He wished not to interrupt her, but she said: “ I am not anxious about it. I can take it up again where I left off. I do not think God is so strict. He does not mind where I begin,” intimating thereby that she interrupted her prayer, not from carelessness, but as a mark of respect toward her director. 有一天,伦辛总铎发现艾曼丽从一本书中诵念了《诸圣祷文》。 他不想打断她,艾曼丽却说:「我不担心被打断。我可以从中断的地方接续下去。我不认为天主是那么严格。祂不介意我从哪里开始,」她以此暗示,她中断祈祷并不是因为粗心大意,而是为了表示对她的指导者的尊重。 She relates another symbolical vision on prayer: " I was kneeling in my accustomed place in church, and I saw by the brilliant light that shone around two beautifully dressed ladies in prayer at the foot of the High Altar. With heartfelt emotion I watched them praying so devoutly, when two dazzling crowns of gold were let down as if by a cord over their heads. I drew near and saw that one crown rested on the head of one of the ladies, whilst the other remained suspended in the air a little above the head of the second. At last, they both arose and I remarked to them that they had been praying earnestly. ' Yes,’ replied the second, ' it is a long time since I prayed as devoutly and with as much consolation as I have done to-day.' But the first on whose head the crown had rested, complained that, although she had wanted to pray fervently, yet all kinds of thoughts and distractions had assailed her against which she had to fight the whole time. Now I saw clearly by this that the dear God looks only at the heart in time of prayer." 艾曼丽讲述了另一个关于祈祷的象征性神视:「我跪在教堂里我惯常的位置上,在耀眼的光芒下,我看到了在祭台脚下祈祷的两位穿着华丽的女士。带着发自内心的感动,我看到她们虔诚的祈祷,这时两顶耀眼的金冠好像被细绳子系着坠下悬在她们的头上。我走近一看,一顶冠冕戴在其中一位女士的头上,而另一顶冠冕则悬在第二位女士头顶上方的空中。最后,她们俩都站起来了,我对她们说她们都在恳切祈祷。『是的,』第二位回答说,『我很久没有像今天这样虔诚的祈祷,并得到很多的神慰了。』但是第一位戴冠冕的人抱怨说,虽然她很想热切地祈祷,但各种各样的想法和干扰一直在袭击她,她不得不一直与之抗争。现在我看清楚了亲爱的天主只看祈祷者的内心。」 This vision had been vouchsafed to Sister Emmerich to teach her that her own prayer, so often disturbed and interrupted by the presence of visitors and other annoyances, was now no less agreeable to God than the tranquil devotion formerly hers in the cloister. We may recognize a similar intention in a later vision, simple apparently and of no great significance, but which is a striking proof of God's constant care over His chosen one: — 这个异象赐给艾曼丽修女,是为了告诉她,她自己的祈祷经常被来访者和其他烦扰所打扰或中断,但天主对她的眷顾丝毫不亚于她以前在修道院里的宁静虔诚。我们可以从后来的一个异象中看出类似的意图,这个异象表面上很简单,也没有什么重大意义,但却有力地证明了天主对祂所拣选的人的持续照顾: “I had to cross a narrow bridge. In terror I gazed on the deep waters flowing below, but my angel led me over in safety. On the bank was a mouse-trap around which a little mouse kept running, and running, and at last it slipped in to get the bait. ‘Foolish little animal!' I cried, 'you are sacrificing your liberty, your life for a mouthful!' — ' Are men more reasonable?’ asked my angel, ‘when for a momentary gratification they endanger their soul's salvation ?'" 我不得不穿过一座狭窄的桥。我惊恐地注视着下方的急流深水,但我的护守天神安全地领我过了桥。河岸上有一个捕鼠器,一只小老鼠绕着它不停地跑啊,跑啊,最后它溜进了捕鼠器抓到了诱饵。『愚蠢的小动物!』我叫道,『你为了一口食物而牺牲你的自由,你的生命!』『人是否更有理智?』护守天神问我,『当他们为了一时的满足而危及灵魂的救赎时?』 Her compassion for the poor little mouse was turned by her angel to men blindly rushing to their own destruction, that she might help them from afar by her prayers and supplications. The vision appeared to imply what seemed to her impossible, that the hidden, peaceful life of former years was never to return, and so God willed. That happiness so longed-for was never again to be hers. The time had arrived for the last and most painful part of her mission. As the Church was bereft of her asylums of peace in which piety could be practised unmolested and contemplation sheltered from the vulgar gaze, so was Sister Emmerich torn from that sacred abode in which she had hoped to end her days, a trial which she shared with Holy Church up to the last instant of her life. What it cost her the following pages will tell. |
艾曼丽对这只可怜小老鼠的同情,被她的天神引向世上那些盲目奔向自我毁灭的人们身上,以便她可以通过祈祷和恳求从远处帮助他们。这个神视似乎在暗示了在她看来是不可能的事,即往年隐秘的、平静的生活再也不会回来了,这也是天主的旨意。她渴望已久的幸福再也不会属于她了。她的使命如今到了最后也是最痛苦的时候了。
由于教会失去了神圣安宁的庇护所(隐修院),在那里可以不受外界打扰,远离世俗的纷扰,虔诚祈祷,度默观生活;同样地,现在,艾曼丽修女也被从神圣居所中剥离出来,她曾希望在那神圣的隐修院终其一生。现在这个考验,她要与教会共同经历,直到她生命的最后一刻。她所付出的代价将在下面几页中讲述。