CHAPTER X.

第十章

Anne Catherine's Attempt to Learn the Organ — Three Years at the House of the Choir-Leader.

安纳•加大利纳尝试学习管风琴，在风琴师索恩根家里住了三年

When Anne Catherine had regained strength sufficient to resume her occupations, she made every effort to earn enough to cover the first expenses that her project of learning the organ would entail.

当安纳•加大利纳恢复了足够的体力，可以继续她的工作时，她尽了一切努力，挣到了足够的钱来支付她学习管风琴所需的第一笔费用。

The needle never left her fingers during the day, and at night she plied the distaff to be able to take at least some linen with her to the convent.

白天，针线活从未离开过她的手指，晚上为了能带些亚麻布到修会去，她就搓线织布。

God blessed her efforts. In the course of a year, she put by twenty thalers(about 15 dollars) earned by her sewing, and a good supply of fine linen.

天主降福她的努力，在一年的时间里，她用针线活挣了20泰勒(约15美元)，还得到了充足的亚麻制品。

（译注：泰勒是旧时德意志诸国的大银币）

This appeared to her so enormous a sum that she would not have dared to keep it for any other purpose than that of entering religion.

在她看来，这是一笔巨大的金额，除了用于进入修会外，她不敢用作任何其他用途。

Her parents, meanwhile, renewed their entreaties to dissuade her from leaving them, her mother tearfully representing to her that, being almost constantly sick, she could not hope to discharge the numerous and painful duties to which her poverty would expose her.

与此同时，她的父母再次恳求她不要离开他们，她的母亲泪流满面地向她表示，她几乎总是生病，但也不能由于生病而希望在修院中免除必需履行的繁多且痛苦的职责。

" My dear mother,"would she reply, " even if things turn out as you say, even if I do have to work as you predict, still I shall escape the dangers of the world. "

「我亲爱的妈妈，」她回答说，「即使事情真的像你说的那样发生了，即使我真的像你预测的那样辛苦的工作，我仍然可以在修院的高墙内逃离这个世界的危险的。」

But the good woman understood not such reasoning, since her child was even then so estranged from the world that she could hardly imagine a more complete separation possible.

但是这个善良的妇人不明白这样的道理，因为她的孩子甚至在那个时候已经与这个世界疏远了，母亲很难想象会有比这更彻底的分离。

She ceased not, therefore, her earnest entreaties ; but her daughter replied so sweetly, so tenderly, and yet so firmly, that the poor mother had no words in return.

因此，她并没有停止她诚挚的恳求，可是她的女儿回答得那么亲切、那么温柔，而又那么坚定，以致可怜的母亲无言以对。

She desisted from seriously opposing her when she saw her settled in the family of the organist Soentgen, at Coesfeld.

当她看到安纳在科斯菲尔德的管风琴师索恩根家安顿下来时，她就不再认真地反对她。

A very important witness whom we shall often meet in the course of our narrative, Dr. Wesener, of Dulmen, tells us the following on this point : —

在我们的叙述过程中，我们经常会遇到的一个非常重要的证人，杜尔门的威塞纳医生，在这一点上告诉我们：

" I attended Anne Catherine's aged mother in her last illness.

「我在安纳•加大利纳的上一次生病时遇到了她年迈的母亲。

She often told me with tears that she had, even in infancy, perceived something extraordinary in her daughter, and had always loved her with particular affection.

她常常流着眼泪告诉我，在女儿还在襁褓中时就发现了她身上有某种不寻常的东西，并一直以特殊的感情宠爱着她。

 It was a great affliction to her that Anne Catherine, the eldest of her daughters, who should have been the consolation of her old age, desired so ardently to enter a convent.

她的长女安纳•加大利纳，本应是她晚年的安慰，却如此渴望进修会，这让她非常苦恼。

'That was,'she said, 'the only grief she ever caused me.

她说，『那是她给我带来的唯一悲伤。

I cannot say the same of my other children !’

我不能对我的其他孩子说同样的话！』

When Anne Catherine was eighteen she was sought in marriage by a young man, the son of parents in easy circumstances.

安纳•加大利纳十八岁时，有一个家境富裕的年轻的男子向她求婚。

They greatly desired Anne Catherine's consent, for they knew her worth and skilful industry in spite of her delicate health.

他们非常希望得到安纳•加大利纳的同意，因为他们知道她的品格和娴熟的手艺，尽管她身体虚弱。

'But,'said her mother, 'I could not part with her then.

『可是，』她母亲说，『我当时还舍不得她离开。

Her father's health was bad and two of my other children gave me much anxiety.

她父亲的健康状况不好，我的另外两个孩子让我非常焦虑。

I did not press her on that occasion.

那时候我没有强迫她。

Some years later a still more eligible proposal was made her, and her father and I were very desirous that she should accept.

几年后，有一个更合适的人向她求婚，她的父亲和我非常希望她能接受。

It seemed to us highly advantageous.

在我们看来，这是非常有利的。

But she pleaded so earnestly against it that we had to yield assuring her, however, that we should never give her anything toward entering a convent.

但她如此恳切地提出反对，我们不得不让步，不过，我们向她表明，我们绝不会给她进入修会的费用。

She had put by some pieces of linen, thinking that would facilitate her design; but she was everywhere refused as too delicate.

她做了几件亚麻布衣服，以为这会有助于她的计划，但到处都被拒绝，因为那太精致了。

Then she obtained a situation at the organist Soentgen's of Coesfeld to learn the organ, hoping such an accomplishment would open to her the door of a convent.

然后，她在科斯菲尔德的管风琴师索恩根家找到了学习管风琴的机会，希望这样的成就能给她打开一扇进入修会的门。

Soon, however, she saw her mistake, for she found in this family such poverty and distress that she sacrificed her little all to relieve them.

然而，很快她就看到了自己的错误，因为她发现这个家庭是如此的贫穷和痛苦，以至于她牺牲了自己的一切来减轻他们的负担。

She gave them her linen, seven or eight pieces worth about twenty-four dollars.

她把自己的亚麻布衣服给了他们，一共有七八件，价值约二十四美元。

After she had lived with them some time, Clara, the organises daughter, also began to think of becoming a nun."

在她和他们住了一段时间后，管风琴师的女儿克拉拉也开始想做修女。」

Let us hear Anne Catherine's own remarks on the subject : —

让我们听听安纳•加大利纳自己对这个问题的看法：

"As to learning the organ,” she said to Dean Overberg, "there was no question of such a thing.

「至于学习管风琴，」她对奥弗伯格总铎说，「这是不可能的。

I was the servant of the family.

我是这家里的仆人。

I learned nothing.

我什么也没学到。

Hardly had I entered the house when I saw their misery, and I sought only to relieve it.

我刚进屋，就看到了他们的不幸，我只是想减轻他们的痛苦。

I took care of the house, I did all the work, I spent all I had saved, and I never learned to play."

我料理家务，做所有的活儿，用完了所有积蓄，却从没学会弹琴。」

She could, however, have learned most readily. Her ear was so delicate, her appreciation of musical harmony so keen, and her fingers so skilful that she could find nothing difficult.

然而，她本可以很快学会的，她的耳朵是如此的灵敏，她对音乐和谐的欣赏是如此的敏锐，她的手指是如此的灵巧，她应没有任何困难学管风琴。

Sometimes she would say :

有时她会说:

"When I listened to singing or the tones of an organ, nothing moved me so much as the consonance of the different notes.

「当我听着歌唱或管风琴的音调时，没有什么比不同音符的和谐更能打动我了。

How charming, I cried, is perfect harmony !

我叫道，多么迷人啊！多么完美的和谐啊！

Since inanimate creatures accord together so sweetly, why do not all hearts do the same ! Ah, how sweet this world would be if it were so !"

因为无生命的受造物都能和谐一致一起发出如此悦耳的声音，为什么所有的心灵不能这样和谐呢！啊，如果是这样的话，这个世界将是多么美好啊！」

But God wished to initiate His chosen servant into harmony of a more exalted order than that of the musical world, into perfect conformity with His own most holy will.

但天主希望使祂所拣选的仆人进入一种比音乐世界更崇高的和谐秩序中，完全与祂自己最神圣的旨意一致。

She was now to walk by paths very different from those for which her heart sighed.

她现在要走的路与她内心所向往的路截然不同了。

Her plan, so carefully matured, so well carried out, proved a failure with respect to her study of music.

她的计划，如此精心准备得充分，如此顺利地实施，但在音乐学习方面却被证明是失败的。

The idea as we have seen, was abandoned even before it was put into execution.

正如我们所看到的，安纳的这个想法甚至在被实施之前就被放弃了。

" Ah ! I learned in that house what hunger is ! " did she once say.

「啊！我在那所房子里学到了什么是饥饿！」有一次她这么说。

"We were often eight days together without bread !

「我们经常在一起八天没有面包！

The poor people could not get trust for even seven pence, I learned nothing, I was the servant.

这个可怜的人连七便士也借不到，我什么也没学到，我是个仆人。

All that I had went, and I thought I should die of hunger.

这就是我所经历的一切，我想我快要饿死了。

I gave away my last chemise.

我把最后一件衬衣送人了。

My good mother pitied my condition.

我的好妈妈同情我的状况。

She brought me eggs, butter, bread, and milk which helped us to live.

她给我带来了鸡蛋、牛油、面包和牛奶，这些都帮助了我们的生活。

One day she said to me:'You have given me great anxiety, but you are still my child !

一天，她对我说：『你给了我很大的焦虑，但你仍然是我的孩子！

It breaks my heart to see your vacant place at home, but you are still my child ! '

看到家里你留下的空位置，我的心都碎了，但你仍然是我的孩子！』

I replied : 'May God reward you, dear mother !

我回答说:『愿天主报答你，亲爱的妈妈！

I have nothing left, but it is His will that I should help these poor people.

我一无所有，但我要帮助这些穷人，这是祂的旨意。

He will provide. I have given Him everything, He knows how to help us all !'

祂会供应的，我已经给了天主一切，祂知道如何帮助我们所有的人！』

Then my good mother said no more."

然后我的好妈妈就不再说什么了。」

In the most austere Order, Anne Catherine would not have practised poverty so rigorously as she did in the Soentgen family.

即使在最简仆的修道院里，安纳•加大利纳也不会像她在索恩根家庭那样过着这样清贫的生活。

The more she relieved their wants, the further did she remove from the end in view, the more was her hope of arriving thereat disappointed and crushed.

她越是满足这个家庭的需要，她离目标就越远，达到目标的愿望就越不可能实现。

She spent her small savings, she served without wages, she was in absolute want ; and yet it all led to nothing.

她花光了微薄的积蓄，她工作而不领工资，她极度贫困，但这一切都毫无结果。

No attempt was made to teach her anything ; but her confidence in God remained unshaken.

索恩根没有试图教她任何东西，但安纳对天主的信心没有动摇。

Speaking of this period, she says : "I used often to say to myself: 'How can I enter a convent now ?

谈到这段时期，她说:「我过去常对自己说:『我现在怎么能进修会呢?

I have nothing, everything works against me ! '

我一无所有，一切都不利于我！』

Then I would turn to God and say : ' I know not what to do ! Thou hast ordained it all !

我就转向天主说：『我不知道该怎么办！这一切都是祢安排的！

Thou alone canst free me from it!'"

只有祢才能解救我！』」

She was then shown in a vision what a rich increase her bridal ornaments had received from all these trials and unsuccessful efforts.

这时，她在一个神视异象中看到，她的新娘装饰品从所有这些考验和失败的努力中得到了多么丰富的增长。

She saw the fruits of her self-victory, patience, and devotedness wrought into garments of exquisite beauty ; she saw them daily enriched by her renunciation and charity ; and she was told that her prayers and tears, her struggles and privations, emitted sounds more agreeable to God than the organ's most harmonious strains.

她看到了她的战胜自我、忍耐和献身精神的果实被做成了精美绝伦的衣服；她每天克己和爱德丰富了这些衣装；她被告知，她的祈祷和眼泪，她的挣扎和匮乏，发出的声音比管风琴最和谐的旋律更让天主喜悦。

But was it in accordance with the dignity of her Betrothed that she should attain to the nuptial union by such means?

但是，她通过这样的方式结婚是否符合她净配的尊严呢？

At this period, no attention was paid in convents to the signs of a supernatural vocation.

在这一时期，修道院里没有人注意到超自然圣召的迹象。

Worldly advantages, external qualities, personal considerations decided everything, whence it followed that true religious were rarely met.

世俗的优势、外在的品质、个人的考虑决定了一切，因此，很少遇到真正的修道者。

It was this very indignity to the Divine Spouse that Anne Catherine was called upon to expiate.

正是这种对神圣净配的侮辱，安纳•加大利纳被要求做补赎。

She had to open for herself in the most painful and humiliating manner access to a religious community in atonement for the slight put upon the religious vocation.

她不得不以最痛苦和最羞辱的方式，为自己打开进入修会团体的大门，以弥补对修道圣召的轻视。

The organist Soentgen was grateful for Anne Catherine's disinterested charity and devotedness, and he promised to do all in his power to further her designs.

管风琴师索恩根对安纳•加大利纳无私的爱德和虔诚，心存感激，他答应尽一切力量来帮助她实现她的计划。

He had a daughter of the same age, a skilful musician, who would be received anywhere.

他有一个同龄的女儿，是一个技艺高超的音乐家，到哪里都受到欢迎。

He resolved, therefore, to allow her to enter that convent only into which Anne Catherine would also be received, and his solicitude for his daughter's welfare gave strength to his resolution.

因此，他下定决心，只让他的女兒进入能接纳安纳•加大利纳的修道院，他对女儿幸福的关心使他的决心更坚定了。

He used to say to Anne Catherine:

他过去常对安纳•加大利纳说:

"My Clara shall not enter a convent without you.

「我的克拉拉不会进入没有你的修会。

Convents are not so strict now as they used to be ; but if you are with Clara, you will keep her up to her duty."

修会现在不像以前那么严格了；但是如果你和克拉拉在一起，你就会让她履行她的职责。」

The two young girls applied to several religious houses, but in vain.

这两个年轻女孩申请了几所修会，但都是徒劳的。

Some refused on account of their want of dowry, some would receive Clara alone.

有些修会因为她们缺少入会费而拒绝她们，有些修会只单独接受克拉拉。

This was the case with the Augustinians of Dulman who were in need of an organist.

杜尔曼门的奥斯定修会就是这样，他们需要一个风琴师。

But Mr. Soentgen was true to his word.

但索恩根先生是信守诺言的。

He would not permit his daughter to enter without Anne Catherine ; so, at last, the religious reluctantly consented to receive her, too.

他不允许女儿加入没有安纳•加大利纳的修会；所以，最后，奥斯定修会勉强同意也接纳安纳。

April 7, 1813, Clara Soentgen deposed, as follows, at the request of the Vicar-General, Clement Auguste von Droste-Vischering (1): —　　Vicar General, Clement

1813年4月7日，克拉拉•索恩根应总主教克莱孟•奥古斯特•冯•德罗斯特-维施林的请求，宣誓作证如下：

" Anne Catherine Emmerich lived with us nearly three years, and I noticed at meals that she always took what was most indifferent.

「安纳•加大利纳•艾曼丽和我们住了将近三年，我注意到她吃饭时总是吃不好的食物。

She wore a coarse woollen garment next her person and under it a rough cincture, twisted and knotted, which she bound so tightly around her waist that the flesh became inflamed and swollen.

她穿着一件粗糙的毛料衣服，里面有一条粗糙的环带，拧成麻绳并打结，她把环带紧紧地绑在腰上，以致皮肉发炎肿胀。

When her confessor heard of it he forbade her to wear it. She told me that after obedience had deprived her of this cincture, there remained imprinted on the skin a mark like a red band.

当她的听告解神父知道后，禁止安纳穿苦带，安纳告诉我，因听命而被剥夺了她的苦带后，皮肤上还留下了一个像红色腰带一样的印记。（注：cincture ：圣索：礼仪中系于大白衣外的绳索，现已很少使用。）

 She used to go out alone in the evening to pray and on her return I noticed her skin all torn as if by briers.

她过去常常在晚上独自出去祈祷，回来的时候，我注意到她的皮肤都被荆棘撕破了。

On being questioned, she was forced to acknowledge that she had disciplined herself with nettles.

当她被询问时，她被迫承认她已经用荨麻惩罚了自己。

She once told me that a huge black beast often rushed upon her to frighten her from her prayer; but she took no notice of him.

她曾经告诉我，一头巨大的黑兽经常冲到她面前，吓唬她，不让她去祈祷；但她不在乎牠。

Then he would hang his head over her shoulder, glare in her face with fiery eyes, and disappear.

然后牠会把头垂在她的肩膀上，用血红的眼睛瞪着她的脸，然后消失。

The same apparition appeared to her one morning on her way home after Holy Communion."

一天早上，在圣体圣事结束后回家的路上，同样的邪灵向她显现。」

With regard to this incident and others of the same nature, we shall give Anne Catherine's own words : —

关于这一事件和其它类似的事件，我们将引用安纳•加大利纳自己的话：

 " Whilst at the Soentgen's I kept up my old habit of praying by night in the open air.

在索恩根家那段时间，我一直保持着晚上在露天祈祷的老习惯。

 As usual, Satan tried to frighten me from it by horrible noises; but, as I only prayed the more fervently, he used to come behind me under the form of a hideous beast, an enormous dog, and rest his head upon my shoulder.

像往常一样，撒殚企图用可怕的声音把我吓走；但是，当我更热切地祈祷时，牠变成一只可怕的野兽、一只巨大的狗的样子，来到我的身后，把牠的头枕在我的肩膀上。

I kept calm, by the grace of God. I stirred not from my position, but I said: ‘God is more powerful than thou ! I am His, I am here for His sake.

我靠着天主的恩宠保持镇静，我没有离开我的位置，一动也不动，我说：『我的天主比你更强大！我是祂的，我在这里是为祂的缘故。

Thou canst do me no harm!'

你不能伤害我！』

I no longer felt afraid and the fiend vanished.

我不再感到害怕，恶魔消失了。

He often seized me by the arm and tried to drag me out of bed, but I resisted with prayer and the sign of the cross.

牠经常抓住我的胳膊，想把我从床上拖出来，但我却用祈祷和画十字圣号来反抗。

Once when I was ill, he attacked me furiously, opening his fiery jaws at me as if about to strangle me or tear me to pieces.

有一次我生病时，牠猛烈地攻击我，向我张开牠那血盆大口，好像要掐死我或把我撕成碎片似的。

I made the sign of the cross and boldly held out my hand to him : 'Bite that!' said, and he instantly disappeared.

我画了十字圣号，大胆地向牠伸出手说：『咬住！』牠就立刻消失不见了。

One evening, Clara and I were praying for the poor souls.

一天晚上，克拉拉和我在正在为可怜的灵魂祈祷。

I said, 'Let us say some Our Fathers for your mother in case she needs them.' We did so earnestly.

我说，『让我们为你妈妈诵念几遍《天主经》，万一她需要的话。』我们很诚挚地念了起来。

After each Fater,I said : 'Another, another!'

在每一遍《天主经》后，我说：『再来一遍，再来一遍！』

As we went on in this way, the door opened and a great light streamed in.

我们正这么做的时候，门开了，一束皓光照了进来。

Several blows were struck upon the table, which frightened us both, especially Clara.

桌子上被敲打了几下，我们都吓坏了，尤其是克拉拉。

When Mr. Soentgen came home, we told him of the circumstance, and he shed many tears."

当索恩根先生回家时，我们把情况告诉了他，他流下了许多眼泪。」

"Often," continues Clara in her deposition, "after we had finished our prayers, never before, a pillow used to be pressed down upon our faces, as if to smother us, and repeated blows were struck with the fist on Anne Catherine's pillow.

「通常，」克拉拉在她的证词中继续说，「在我们做完祈祷之后，以前从来没有过，一个枕头压在我们的脸上，好像要闷死我们，然后拳头在安纳•加大利纳的枕头上不断击打。

Sometimes impatient at this annoyance, she would run her hands over the pillow, but discover nothing.

有时她对这种骚扰不耐烦，就用手摸摸枕头，但什么也没发现。

No sooner had she again settled herself to sleep than the noise recommenced.

她刚安顿下来要睡觉时，噪音又开始了。

This was often kept up till midnight.

这种情况经常持续到午夜。

Sometimes she arose and ran out into the garden to see if she could discover any clue to the noise, but in vain.

有时她跑到花园里去，看看是否能发现任何有关噪音的线索，但都是徒劳的。

It happened not only at our house but also in the convent where, at first, I occupied the same cell with her.

这不仅发生在我们家，还发生在修会，起初我和她住在同一个小室里。

After we retired to rest we used to pray for the souls in purgatory and once, as we finished our devotions, a brilliant light hovered near our bed. 'See! see! the bright light!' cried Anne Catherine to me joyously.

在我们休息后，我们常常为炼狱里的灵魂祈祷；有一次，当我们完成祈祷时，一束明亮的光在我们的床边盘旋着。『看！看！明亮的光！』安纳•加大利纳高兴地对我喊道。

But I was afraid, I would not look."

但我害怕，我不敢看。」

Reverend James Reckers, Professor at the Latin School, Coesfeld, was Anne Catherine's confessor. He deposed, as follows: —

科斯菲尔德的拉丁学校的教授，雅各伯•雷克斯司铎是安纳•加大利纳的听告解神父，他作证如下：

"I was for about nine months, just before her entrance into the convent, the confessor of Anne Catherine Emmerich.

「就在安纳•加大利纳进入修会以前，我做了她九个月的听告解神父。

She came to me sometimes out of confession to ask my advice with regard to her vocation.

她有时因为告解来找我，征求我对她的圣召的意见。

She appeared to me to be a person of great simplicity, uprightness, and goodness of heart.

在我看来，她是一个非常单纯、正直、心地善良的人。

I know nothing unfavorable of her, except that her charity toward the poor sometimes led her to purchase what she could not immediately pay for.

我沒看到她有什么不好的地方，只是由于她对穷人的仁慈，有时会使她购买一些她不能立即支付的东西。

I must say in her praise that when able she assisted every morning at the Holy Sacrifice, confessed and communicated on Sundays and feasts, and that she was thought to be a very good, pious person.

我必须赞扬她的是，当她在力所能及时，她每天早上都会在圣祭中出席，在主日和瞻礼日办告解和领圣体，人们认为她是一个非常善良、虔诚的人。

On several occasions, when her hopes of being admitted into a convent were frustrated, she showed unvarying and edifying submission to the will of God."

有好几次，当她进入修道院的愿望落空时，她表现出了对天主旨意的始终如一和令人感动的服从。