Another peasant followed the brother, and there they sat until after mid-day ! In the evening she had a visit from Mrs. Wesener. This left the Pilgrim but a few moments to finish taking down the oft-interrupted vision. This is a sample of her exterior life, which for years nothing has been done to regulate. She has never, for the sake of her communications to the Pilgrim, kept the most insignificant visitor waiting an instant. Serious affairs must be cast aside for every trifle ; but, notwithstanding these interruptions, her spiritual, contemplative life pursues its even tenor."
另一个农夫跟在她哥哥后面来了,他们一直坐到中午!晚上,韦塞纳夫人也来访。这让朝圣者只剩下片刻时间,来完成经常被打断的异象记录。这是艾曼丽修女外在生活的一个缩影,多年来她的生活一直没有得到任何改善,她从未因要向朝圣者叙述,而让最微不足道的访客等待片刻。重大的事必须要为每件小事让位;但是,尽管有这些中断,她的属灵生活和默观生活还是保持着平稳的基调。」
" A pious old aunt visited Sister Emmerich to-day. She was very much distressed at not being able to offer her some coffee, as the nurse was at church. The aunt, however, consoled her, saying that she was glad to be able to make the stations fasting. Sister Emmerich still chats with the young peasant, her nephew, and allows her precious visions to go to waste. Yes and she can prattle gayly with the old nurse, too ! It's a wonder she has anything at all left for the Pilgrim ! ''
「今天,一位虔诚的老阿姨拜访了艾曼丽修女。因为护士去教堂了,艾曼丽修女为不能给她倒杯咖啡而苦恼。然而,阿姨安慰她说,她很高兴能守斋拜苦路。艾曼丽修女仍然和她这位阿姨的侄子——一个年轻的农民聊天,让她宝贵的异象白白浪费掉。是的,她也可以和老护士愉快地闲聊!她还能给朝圣者剩下什么,那真是奇迹了!」
“To-day she began by a confused recital of her cares and sufferings (all perfectly unintelligible, as she mentions not the interior cause) and the Pilgrim was listening with ill-restrained impatience, when in came Vicar Hilgenberg with whom she chatted over nothings and — another day was lost !...... "
「今天,她一开始就语无伦次地叙述她的忧虑和痛苦(所有这些都完全无法理解,因为她没有提到内在原因),而朝圣者正以按捺不住的烦躁心情听着,这时希尔根伯格神父走了进来,她和神父聊些无关痛痒的事,於是——又失去了一天!」
When the Pilgrim introduces visitors himself at the couch of his friend, his remarks are made in quite a different tone : — “It was remarkable how, though hardly able to open her lips before, she brightened up on the arrival of N. N. and talked to him for an hour. When he left, she was more dead than alive from fatigue."
"The Pilgrim's brother came and, by the singular stories he told, troubled a little the peaceful current of her communications."
当朝圣者在他朋友的床榻边亲自介绍来访者时,他的语气却截然不同:——「令人惊讶的是,尽管艾曼丽修女之前几乎无法开口,但N.N.的到来让她精神大振,并与他聊了一个小时,真是了不起。当他离开时,艾曼丽修女因疲劳,已经累的半死。」
「朝圣者的兄弟来了,他讲了一些奇异的故事,搅乱了她平静的交谈。」
“The visions of the night are lost, in consequence of the morning visit of the Pilgrim's brother. Her efforts to talk with him so exhausted her that, on his departure, she had a hemorrhage. Thank God, her interior was not thereby disturbed, nor that of the Pilgrim neither!"
「由于朝圣者兄弟早上的来访,夜晚的异象消失了。艾曼丽修女竭力的向朝圣者传达她的神视,结果朝圣者一走,她就大出血了。感谢天主,艾曼丽修女的内心没有因此而不安,朝圣者的内心也没有受到影响!」
The remaining part of Sister Emmerich's life, as signified by the vision pointing to its prolongation, was to be employed principally in preparing the agonizing for a good death by taking upon herself their corporal and spiritual suffering. For this end, the assistance of the saints, whose relics were in her "church," was promised her.
艾曼丽修女余下的生命,正如神视所表明的那样,指出她生命的延长,主要是为那些临终的人做准备,让他们通过承受肉体和精神上的痛苦来预备善终。为了这个目的,圣人们给予帮助,并许诺他们的圣髑就在艾曼丽修女所称的“教堂”里。
August 30, 1821. — " I have had a wonderful vision of all my relics. I saw them all just as they are, the color of their wrappings and the number of particles. The saints issued from them and ranged around me in their rank. I recognized all and saw pictures of the life of each. Between them and me stood a large table (1) covered with celestial viands, and the relics disappeared. I sang with the saints the Lauda Sion (2) with celestial accompaniment.
1821年8月30日——「我看到了我所有的圣髑的奇妙异象。我看到了他们的原本的样子,圣髑的颜色和颗粒的数量。圣人们从圣髑中走出来,排列整齐地围绕着我,我认出了所有的人,看到了每一个人的生平图像。我和他们之间隔着一张大桌子(1),上面摆满了天上的美食,圣髑消失了。在天籁之音的伴奏下,我和圣人们一起唱了《赞颂熙雍》(2)。
(1) The consolations the saints were to afford her.
(2) The chant of the Lauda Sion is connected with the task intrusted to Anne Catherine. She had to contribute to the accomplishment in many dying souls of the following words of the hymn ;
(1) 圣人们给她的安慰。
(2) 《赞颂熙雍》圣咏与委托给安纳.加大利纳.艾曼丽的任务有关。她必须完成赞美诗的以下词句,为许多垂死的灵魂献身祈祷;
Bone pastor, panis vere,
Jesu, nostri miserere ;
Tu nos pasce, nos tuere,
Tu nos bona fac videre
In terra viventium.
好牧人,生命之粮
耶稣,垂怜我们;
养育我们,保护我们
请看你的慈悲
在我们生活的土地上。
I saw the instruments on which many of them played. In the crowd of heavenly visitors were many blessed children ; but the vision made me sad, for I felt that the saints were bidding me farewell. They were so affectionate to me, because I had loved and honored them. I understood interiorly that I was no longer to have the visions of relics, as other work was in store for me. The saints withdrew to the sound of celestial harmony, wheeling around and turning their back upon me. I ran after them and tried to catch a glimpse of the last one's features, St. Rose; but I could not. Then the Mother of God, Augustine, and Ignatius of Loyola appeared and gave me such consolation and instruction as I may not repeat."
我看到了他们中许多人演奏的乐器。在这群来自天堂的访客中,有许多蒙福的孩子;但那异象让我忧伤,因为我觉得圣人们正在向我告别。他们对我如此亲切,因为我爱过并尊敬过他们。我内心明白,我再也不会看到圣髑的异象了,因为还有其他的工作正在等待我。圣人们在天籁之音中退去了,并转过身去,背对着我。我追上他们,试图看一眼最后一位圣人——圣罗斯——的容貌;但是我看不见。这时圣母,圣奥斯定和罗耀拉的依纳爵显现了,他们给了我无法描述的安慰和指示。」
The instructions referred to concerned her new labors of suffering ; for shortly after the Pilgrim had to record a state of the invalid such as he had never before beheld in her : —
圣人们所提到的指示是关于艾曼丽修女新的苦难;因为不久之后,朝圣者不得不记录艾曼丽修女身上出现的新的病况,这是之前从未在她身上看到过的:
"Since the 29th of August," he writes, "she has passed from sickness to sickness, a series of convulsions, pains in her limbs and wounds, profuse sweats, etc.; she often appears to be at the point of death. Between these attacks, she has had to struggle with the strangest temptations, such as anxiety about food, etc. On the afternoon of September the 2d, this mental disorder took the form of well-defined delirium, followed by anew attack of physical sufferings.
「自8月29日以来,」朝圣者写道,「她的病情时好时坏,接二连三的抽搐、四肢和伤口疼痛、大汗淋漓等;她经常濒临死亡。在这些疾病发作中,她不得不与最奇怪的诱惑作斗争,比如对食物的焦虑等等。9月2日下午,她的精神失常表现为明显的谵妄,随后身体的痛苦再次发作。
She was, at one and the same time, awake and in vision, and she incessantly groaned: ' This cannot last much longer. I never was so poor before. I cannot pay my debts; all is lost," etc.- — And yet she did not seem dejected; on the contrary, she was almost gay. She shook her head, bade the silly thoughts be off, and looked upon her own talk as foolish. When she uttered such extravagance before the mistress of the house, she instantly begged pardon with the excuse that she was in pain and trouble.
她一次又一次地从异象中清醒过来,而且还停留在异象中,她不停地呻吟着:『这种情况不会持续太久了。我以前从来没有这么可怜过。我无力偿还我的债务;一切都失去了,』等等——然而她似乎并不沮丧;相反,她几乎是快乐的。她摇摇头,让这些愚蠢的想法走开,并认为她自己的话是愚蠢的。她当着房子的女主人面前说这番话的时候,她立即以自己正处于痛苦和烦恼中为理由,请求她原谅。
A night of cruel suffering followed. These attacks lasted day and night until the evening of the 4th, when she struggled so vigorously against them as to lose consciousness. Her wanderings all bore upon the point of her penniless condition; she thought that she could not supply her wants, and she had no one on whom she could rely. — It is frightful to see one so favored by God in such a state of misery and weakness when grace is withdrawn ! Of course, there is now no record of visions. What a frail vessel is man ? and how patient, how merciful is God toward him !"
接下来是一个残酷的痛苦之夜。这些病痛日夜不停地折磨着她,直到4日晚上,她奋力抵抗,以至于失去了知觉。她神情恍惚直到山穷水尽的状态。她认为她无法弥补自己的不足,而且她没有可以依靠的人。——当恩宠被收回时,看到一个如此受天主眷顾的人处于这样悲惨和软弱的境地,真是可怕!当然,现在已经没有关于异象的记录了。人是多么脆弱的器皿啊!而天主对人是何等的忍耐、何等的慈悲!」
Grace had not been withdrawn from Sister Emmerich, as the Pilgrim erroneously thought, nor had she been delirious. She had taken the place of a dying man, and bad vigorously combated against the passions that had held him captive all his life. The terrible task was first announced to her on the Feast of the Assumption.
恩宠并没有像朝圣者错误地认为从艾曼丽修女那里撤回了,她也没有精神错乱。她取代了一个垂死之人的位置,与那些囚禁了垂死之人一生的欲望进行了激烈的搏斗。这项可怕的补赎任务是在圣母升天节首次向她宣布的。
"I saw in the heavenly Church the Feast of Mary's Assumption. I saw the Mother of God taken up from the low earthly Church by innumerable angels, borne, as it were, on a crown of five arches, on which she hovered over the altar. The Holy Trinity descended from the highest heavens and laid a crown on Mary's head. The choirs of angels and saints surrounded the altar at which the Apostles celebrated the divine service.
「我在天上的教会里看到了圣母升天节。我看到天主之母被无数天神从卑微的尘世教会中接走,仿佛被五个拱形的王冠抬着在祭台上方盘旋。至圣圣三从最高的天堂降临,将王冠戴在圣母玛利亚的头上。天神和圣人们的歌咏团围绕着神圣的祭台,宗徒们在祭台上举行圣母升天瞻礼。
These choirs were ranged like the side-chapels in a church. I received the Blessed Sacrament and Mary came to me, and, as if from one of the side-chapels, approached St. Ignatius, to whom I had just made special devotions. I was told that, if my confessor ordered me in the name of Jesus, to rise and walk, I should be able to do so, even were I ill and in the most miserable state.
这些歌咏团的排列就像在大教堂旁边围绕着的小教堂一样。我领了圣体,圣母玛利亚来到我身边,我刚刚特别敬礼过的圣依纳爵仿佛也从其中一个小堂走来。我被告知,如果我的告解神师奉耶稣的名命令我站起来走路,即使我生病了,处于最痛苦的状态中,我也能站起来行走。
I was so impatient for this that I exclaimed : ‘Why not now, right away ?’(1) And I heard a voice like that of my Heavenly Spouse, saying : ‘Thou art mine ! Why this questioning, if I wish it thus and not otherwise ?’”--
我迫不急待,以至于我惊呼:『为什么不是现在呢?』(1)我听到一个声音,就像我的天堂净配的声音,说:『你是我的!如果我希望如此而不是别的,为什么要这样问呢?』」——
(1) Her Impatience is the joyful longing for the task connected with the power of walking. This task consisted in preparing sinners for a happy death, a task which, like an others, can be accomplished only by the means marked out by the Church : viz., obedience to her confessor.
(1)她的迫不急待正是她对与行走能力有关的任务的喜悦盼望。这项任务包括为罪人的善终做好准备,这项任务与其他任务一样,只能通过教会规定的方法来完成:即服从她的告解神师。
Father Limberg would not act on this vision. He declined giving any command before further manifestation of God's will. The promise was fulfilled, however, on the Feast of Mary's Nativity, as Sister Emmerich herself tells us : —
林堡神父不会按照这个异象采取行动。在天主的旨意进一步显现之前,他拒绝发出任何命令。然而,正如艾曼丽修女自己告诉我们的那样,这应许在圣母玛利亚的诞辰瞻礼上实现了:——
" On the eve of the feast, I lay in intense pain and violent cramps, notwithstanding which I was full of inward joy. The night was a weary one, but at three o'clock in the morning, the hour of Our Lady's birth, she appeared to me, telling me to rise and walk a little. I should have done so on the Feast of the Assumption or on that of St. Augustine, had my confessor ordered me to that effect ; but now it was through Mary I was to do it.
「在瞻礼的前夕,我躺在床上,剧烈的疼痛、痉挛,尽管如此,我内心却充满喜悦。那天晚上是一个令人疲惫的夜晚,但在凌晨三点钟,也就是圣母诞生的时刻,圣母显现在我面前,让我站起来走一走。如果我的告解神师命令我这样做,我应该在圣母升天瞻礼或圣奥斯定瞻礼上这样做;但现在我是因为圣母玛利亚的命令来做这件事。
She told me that I should in this state do and suffer in her honor whatever befell me ; I should never again be perfectly well, nor able to eat and drink like other people, and that I should still have much sickness and suffering. She told me also that the graces imparted to mankind on the day of her birth still continue to be poured upon them, and she urged me to pray for the conversion of sinners.
圣母告诉我,在这种状态下,无论发生什么,我都要以她的名义去做,去受苦;我应该再也不会完全康复了,再也不能像其他人一样吃喝,我还会有很多疾病和痛苦。她还告诉我,她诞生之日赐予人类的恩宠仍在继续,她敦促我为罪人的悔改祈祷。
I should not, she said, try to walk until my confessor came, though I was not to entertain the slightest doubt on the subject. I was full of joy, though more sick and miserable than ever, with cramps and pains chiefly in my breast. The Blessed Virgin said : ' I give thee strength,’ and as she spoke, the words left her lips in a substantial form and entered mine as a sweet morsel. I began right off, in obedience to her command, to pray for the conversion of the sinners she pointed out to me, some of whom I saw becoming contrite.
她说,我不应该在我的告解神师到来之前尝试走路,尽管我对这件事(指行走的能力)沒有丝毫怀疑。我满心欢喜,尽管病的比以往任何时候都更加厉害,更加痛苦,主要是我的胸口像抽筋样疼痛。圣母说:『我给你力量,』当她说话的时候,这些话以一个真实的形状离开她的嘴唇,像一口甜食一样进入我的嘴里。我立刻遵照她的吩咐,立即开始为她向我指出的罪人的悔改祈祷,我看到其中一些人开始痛悔了。
In the morning after Communion, I had another vision. I saw the Blessed Virgin, St. Anne, St. Joachim, Joseph, Augustine, and Ignatius. The Blessed Virgin helped me up, and I thought I walked around the room supported by the saints. It seemed as if everything helped me, the floor, the table, the walls. Still I know not whether it was real or only in vision."
领圣体后的早晨,我看到了另一个异象。我看到了圣母、圣亚纳、圣约雅敬、圣若瑟、圣奥斯定和圣依纳爵。圣母扶我起来,我想我在圣人们扶助下绕着房间走了一圈。似乎一切都在帮助我,地板、桌子、墙壁。我仍然不知道它是真实的还是只是在异象中。」
Toward noon Sister Emmerich asked her confessor's permission to rise and walk. He hesitated, reminding her of her extreme weakness : but when she recalled the promise she had received; he yielded. With joyous alacrity she threw her wrapper around her, slipped out of bed, tottered across the room like a child learning to walk, and sank upon a chair. She was exhausted by the effort, but radiant with delight.
临近中午时,艾曼丽修女请求告解神父允许她起身走走。他犹豫了一下,提醒她注意自己身体上的极度虚弱:但当她回想起圣母的承诺时,告解神父同意了。她兴高采烈地脱下裹在身上的大衣,轻轻下了床,像一个学走路的孩子一样蹒跚着穿过房间,然后瘫坐在了椅子上。她累得筋疲力尽,却满脸喜悦。
She was not accustomed to the light which now falling full upon her, dazzled her weak eyes. With assistance she took a few more steps around the room, and then sat in an arm-chair until evening, when she returned to her bed full of joyous emotion. The wounds in her hands, feet, and side caused her much pain.
她不太适应现在的阳光,光线满满地照在她身上,晃花了她虚弱的眼睛。在别人的搀扶下,她在房间里又走了几步,然后坐在扶手椅上,直到傍晚时分,她才满怀喜悦地回到床上。她的手、脚和肋旁的伤口使她痛苦不堪。
From this time, Sister Emmerich began to rise and walk around regularly, though at the cost of great fatigue. She regarded it as a duty to be daily fulfilled as far as she was able, in obedience to Our Lady's commands. The Pilgrim, seeing her painful efforts procured her a pair of crutches. This he seems afterward to have regretted, as he feared such exertions would interfere with the narration of her much-prized visions. Impelled by this fear, he addressed her one day:
从那时起,艾曼丽修女开始有规律地站起来四处走动,尽管代价是极度疲劳。她认为这是一种义务,每天尽其所能去履行,把服从圣母的命令视为一种责任。朝圣者看到她痛苦的努力行走,就为她弄来了一副拐杖。事后朝圣者后悔了,因为朝圣者担心这样做会妨碍她叙述对他来说如此宝贵的神视异象。在这种恐惧的驱使下,有一天朝圣者对艾曼丽说:
“Strange that one prevented by so many graces should be so eager for a few perilous, miserable steps on crutches !" — to which she replied : " More than once I have seen the most perfect of creatures, the Blessed Virgin Mary, in the Temple impatiently asking holy Anna : ‘Ah ! will the Child be born soon? Ah ! if I could only see Him! Ah ! If I could only live until He is born!’— Then Anna almost annoyed would say : ’Do not interrupt my work ! I have already been here seventy years, and I must await the Child's coming nearly a hundred ! — And thou, thou art so young, canst thou not wait ?’--and Mary often wept with desire. ”
「真奇怪,一个领受了那么多恩宠的人,竟然如此渴望拄着拐杖走几步危险而痛苦的步伐!」——艾曼丽修女回答说:「我不止一次地看到最完美的受造物,圣玛利亚,在圣殿里焦急地问圣亚纳:『啊!圣婴很快就要诞生了吗?啊!要是我能看见祂就好了!啊!要是我能活到祂出生就好了!』——然后圣亚纳几乎有些恼火地说:『不要打扰我的工作!我在这里已经七十年了,而我必须等这孩子的到来却要将近一百年的时间!——而你,你这么年轻,难道就不能等待吗?』——圣玛利亚常常因为渴望而哭泣。」
The Pilgrim did not understand the deep significance of her touching reply. She was not impatient for her poor walk on crutches, but she was impatient to help souls, for which end alone had the power of eating and walking been restored to her. He remarks, November 1st — “For several weeks the invalid has found more facility in rising, walking with the crutches, and sitting up to sew. She can now dress herself slowly, and take a little broth and coffee. Her vomiting has decreased. Toward the last of October, she took a little carrot juice."
朝圣者不明白艾曼丽修女感人回答中蕴含的深意。她不是因为拄着拐杖走得很差而不耐烦,而是急于救助灵魂,为了这个目的,她才恢复了吃饭和走路的能力。11月1日朝圣者评论道——「几个星期以来,病人在起床、拄着拐杖走路和坐起来缝衣服方面有了更大的进步。她现在可以慢慢地穿衣服,喝点肉汤和咖啡了。她的呕吐减少了。十月末的时候,她喝了一点胡萝卜汁。」
Whilst her friends looked upon this change as a purely natural amelioration in her physical condition, and her eagerness to walk as a sign of her desire to be cured, it was, in fact, a work of painful expiation for poor sinful souls. She no longer simply prays for them, endures great bodily sufferings for them— she now becomes their actual substitute, taking upon herself and vigorously combating their spiritual evils, their temptations, and vicious inclinations.
虽然她的朋友们认为这种变化纯粹是她身体状况的自然改善,她渴望走路是她渴望被治愈的表现,但事实上,这是她为可怜的罪孽深重的灵魂所做的痛苦的赎罪工作。她不再只是简单地为他们祈祷,而是为他们忍受肉体上的巨大痛苦——她现在成为他们真正的替代者,在她自己身上承担起他们心灵上的罪恶、诱惑、和邪恶的倾向,并与之进行有力的搏斗。
She had a great vision on this sort of substitution from which she related what follows: —'I had a vision in which it was given me to see why I had so much sickness. I saw a gigantic apparition of Jesus Christ between earth and heaven in the same form and dress as when He bore the insults of the Jews. But His hands were outstretched and pressed down upon the world — it was the hand of God that pressed !
对于这种替代,她有一个伟大的异象,她讲述了以下内容:「我看到了一个异象,让我知道了自已为什么会病得那么重。我看到天地之间出现了耶稣基督巨大的形象,祂的形象和穿着与祂忍受犹太人侮辱时一样。但祂伸出双手,覆盖整个世界——那是天主的手覆盖在这个世界上!
I saw many colored rays of woe and suffering and pain falling upon people of every condition. When, through compassion, I began to pray, whole torrents of pains were diverted from their course and pressed heavily upon me in a thousand different ways, the greater part coming from my friends. The apparition was of Jesus, and yet the Three Divine Persons were also included. I saw them not, but I felt them."
我看到许多哀伤、苦难和痛苦的光线落在各种境况的人身上。当我怀着同情开始祈祷时,整个痛苦的洪流都从原来的方向转移,以千百种不同的方式重重地压在我身上,其中大部分来自我的朋友。显现的是耶稣,但也包括三位一体的真神。我没有看到祂们,但我感觉到了祂们。」
The following fact, related by Sister Emmerich, February 18th, shows how the strength given her for her present task was increased by her sufferings and struggles. — “I was fully conscious and speaking to my confessor, when suddenly I felt faint and about to die. He noticed the change and asked : ‘What does this mean?’— I answered that I felt that strength had gone out from me. I saw it under the form of rays streaming over twenty different individuals, some in Rome, some in Germany, others in our own immediate country.
以下是艾曼丽修女在2月18日讲述的事实,说明她是如何通过受苦和挣扎来恳求天主增强力量,完成目前任务的。——「当我意识完全清醒,正与我的告解神师交谈时,我突然感到昏厥,快要死了。他注意到了我的变化,便问道:『这意味着什么?』——我回答说,我看到我的力量以光线的形式流过二十个不同的人,一些人在罗马,一些人在德国,还有一些人在我们自已的国家。
They were thereby strengthened to struggle against a mighty power, a fact which greatly pleased me. Then I saw the harlot of Babylon under a scandalous form, in her hand a colored jacket with its ribands. The strength that still remained to me went out against her, much to my dissatisfaction at first ; but it forced her to cover herself with her jacket. With each ray of strength I laced the ribands tighter and tighter, until all within her, all the different impious plots against the Church conceived by her connection with the spirits of the world and the age, were smothered and stifled."
这样他们就有了力量,可以与强大的恶势力进行搏斗,这让我非常高兴。然后,我看到巴比伦的娼妓以丑陋的面目出现,我用仅存的力量与她对抗,起初我很不满意自已那微薄的力量,但这股微薄的力量迫使她用外衣遮住了自己。我用每一缕力量把丝带越系越紧,直到她内心的深处,直到她与世界和时代精神的联系所酝酿的针对教会的各种不虔诚的阴谋,都被扼杀和窒息而死。」
In this state of substitution for others, Sister Emmerich appeared to possess a two-fold existence. One might read in her countenance, her speech, her gestures, her tone of voice, the character of the individual whose struggles she took upon herself. Her own purity of soul shone like a sunbeam through the clouds, proving that nothing could tarnish its brilliancy.
在这种替代他人的状态下,艾曼丽修女似乎拥有双重的存在。人们可能会从她的面容、她的讲话、她的手势、她的语气、她为之奋斗的那个人的角色中看出这一点。她那纯洁的灵魂就像一束穿过云层的阳光,证明了没有什么能玷污这灵魂的光辉。
Let us picture to ourselves a saint given to austerity and penance, yet who, in spite of his disgust and horror, takes upon himself the miserable state of a drunkard in order to save him from hell’s abyss, and we may be able to form some idea of this double state. Without losing consciousness, he struggles against the strange power that is benumbing his senses, a power which creates in him but loathing and disgust ; thus are simultaneously manifested in him the two states of sobriety and inebriety.
让我们自己想象一下圣人苦行苦修,尽管圣人厌恶和恐惧,但是为了把人从地狱的深渊中拯救出来,圣人还是毅然决然地选择酒鬼的悲惨状态,我们或许能对这种双重状态有一些了解。在不丧失意识的情况下,圣人与麻木他感官的奇怪力量抗争,这种力量在圣人身上产生了厌恶感;因此,在他身上同时表现出清醒和不清醒两种状态。
When Sister Emmerich tried to explain this, she said: " It seems to me then that I am two-fold, as if there lay on my breast a wooden image of myself which speaks without my power to prevent or direct it." (That is by which her assumed state of despair ? impatience, intemperance, etc., expresses itself). " Then I reflect that I must endure it, that the image must know better than I what it ought to do, what it ought to answer for me. Consciousness is then in me like a smothered voice."
当艾曼丽修女试图解释这一点时,她说:「在我看来,我似乎是双重的,就好像在我的胸前躺着一个木制的我,我无法阻止或指挥它说话。」(这就是她假定的绝望、暴躁、不耐烦等表现出来的原因)。「然后我想,我必须忍受它,这个形象一定比我更清楚它应该做什么,它应该为我回答什么。这时,我的意识在我体内就像一个被闷住的声音。」
“Sometimes I know not how to resist my numerous visions of terror and anguish. They are not sudden thoughts or attacks, but whole scenes in which I both see and hear, which attract me violently, affright me, irritate me. I have to resist with all my strength not to be overcome. Persons and future events are shown me, and the intentions with which such or such a thing is done against me.
「有时候,我不知道如何抵御无数恐怖和痛苦的神视。它们不是突如其来的想法或袭击,而是我看到和听到的整个场景,它们猛烈地吸引着我,使我惊恐,使我恼怒。我必须竭尽全力抵抗,才不会被其征服。天主向我展示了人和未来的事件,以及这些人对我做这事或那事的意图。
I hear the scoffs of the wicked fiend, and it is not without a struggle that I recognize the permission of God and repel the enemy with his lies. When these crowds of pictures incite me to impatience, my confessor's approach, a word of consolation from him or his blessing are an immediate relief ; but the irritation of some around me is, in such moments more painful than at other times."
我听到恶魔的讥讽,我认出来天主的许可,并以祂的话击退敌人的谎言,但不是没有挣扎。当这些成群的图像让我变得不耐烦时,我的告解神师走近我,他的一句安慰或他的降福立即让我感到宽慰并从这种困境中解脱;但在这种时候,我周围一些人的愤怒比其他时候更令我痛苦。」
“Once a great mirror with a magnificent golden frame was held before me in which I could see only such things as were calculated to irritate me. The very sight of the vain thing vexed me, and I hid my face in the pillows so that I might not see it; but still it was there, always before me. At last I seized it and dashed it to the floor, crying ; ' What have I to do with such vanity, with such a mirror? '— but it fell gently without breaking. It disappeared only when, with contempt of its magnificence, the feeling of my own lowliness and misery also increased. Then I wad permitted to visit Mary in the Grotto of the Crib."
「有一次,一面镶有华丽金框的大镜子摆在我面前,在镜子里,我只能看到那些会故意激怒我的东西。我一看到这虚荣的东西就心烦意乱,于是我把脸藏在枕头下,不让自已看到它。但它还是在那里,总是在我眼前晃动。最后,我抓住它,把它摔在地板上,喊到;『这样的虚荣,这样的镜子与我有什么关系?』——但是镜子轻轻地掉在地上,没有摔碎。只有当我蔑视虚荣的华丽时,虚荣的东西才消失了,我对自己的卑微和痛苦的感觉也增加了。然后我获准去洞穴里的圣婴马槽去拜访圣母玛利亚。」